i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
