So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize