What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
