It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
