the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
