My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
