Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
