I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
