so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
