i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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