One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
