Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
