Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
