She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
