Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
