D3 body, D1 cock
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
