he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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