i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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