her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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