Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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