so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
