How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
