From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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