Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
