I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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