she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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