If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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