They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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