you guys were way drunker than both of me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she pinky promised me she was 18
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
