my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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