As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
