So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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