I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
