wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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