it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
