I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Houston, we have a squirter
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
