do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
