I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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