Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
