saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
