I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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