I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
