no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
