You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
