I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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