We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
