I'm lost and stupid without you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
