I heard we made out
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
