when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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