People in love make me want to vomit
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
