I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
