He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize