I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
