just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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