Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
