is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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