Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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