Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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