Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
