Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
