In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
