i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
