My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
