forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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