I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
